Archive for July 5, 2005

Same plot, different characters.

[ music | Nelly Furtado – Powerless ]

So, today Chewie[] has started to discover a very important life lesson. It’s quite an experience to see people say or think things exactly as you did at that same age. Specifically, he said “I really didn’t like what she was becoming. I just wanted her to remain her own, beautiful self.” I laughed, but not in a derisive manner, but in a completely understanding one, and appreciating the naiveté of the statement. I can remember on a few occasions thinking the exact same thing. But the lesson he will learn is two-fold. Change is inescapable, you can not stop change any more than you can hold back the tide. And the second, and probably more important in this particular situation is you can only control yourself. You are powerless to change other people, and if you should try to change other people, it will NEVER EVER WORK. It always ends in disaster. I do not want to even attempt to count the times I have seen it nor do I wish to recount the few times I’ve tried it. It will blow up in your face every time. The best case scenario is discussing the situation with the other person, and bringing the problem to light. The caveat with that is if there is no actual problem, if you have a personal issue with what a person is becoming, especially as they grow up and find their own identity, there is nothing you can do, and nothing you should do except deal with it. It’s a hard fact of life to learn, some people never learn it. But it is an extremely valuable one which you will find useful through your entire life. With friends, lovers, spouses, children, and parents, you will find them no longer adhereing to your plans for them, but you need to remember that no one said your plan was best.

It’s still interesting to see someone wrestle with this, however. A wry irony. We’re all so smart, but we’re all still so dumb. Chewie[], you are a drop in the ocean, but the rest of us are also drops, and together we make up that ocean. As much as you may feel it at times, you are not alone in those feelings. 🙂

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