[ music | The Postal Service – Nothing Better ]

Somehow, a mind blowingly cool band has completely escaped my attention. This band is The Postal Service Click To Buy. One of my best friends has smacked me in the head with a shovel, and on the end of this shovel is this band’s album “Give Up”. It’s core indie-rock infused with synthpop instrumentation, samples ripped straight from the old 8-bit Nintendo, moody atmospheres, “Pet Shop Boys” styled lyrics, and “They Might Be Giants” vocals. Really awesome stuff. I just can’t figure out how the hell I missed this. Don’t make the same mistake.

[ music | No Doubt – New ]

I have always disliked exactly how the archives bit here worked. But I finally got off my ass and did something about it. Now, if you look to the left under “Fermions” you’ll see a link titled “Earlier Posts”. These work as you expect, 12 posts at a time (I display 12 here on the main page because I like to be different). And, if you’re back a page or three, another link appears under the “Earlier”, entitled “Later Posts”. Just like a real blog! Wow! Shiny! Ditto at the bottom, same links, same deal. Do I really need to explain this in the year 2005? So, now my archives don’t suck.

[ music | Frank Sinatra – That’s Life ]

Well, I’m not gonna roll my self up and die… But I am gonna roll my self up. So, today I finally managed to talk to one of my best friends after far too long an interruption. And while I forgot a bunch of things I wanted to bring up, I did manage to mention my impending move plans. Well, ok, she reminded me, but that still counts! I was talking about how Pittsburgh is just a stepping stone for me, and that I’d rather move more eastward like Philly, Jersey, or ideally the NYC area. Then she mentioned why not Boston? There’s boatloads of tech jobs up there (Silicon Alley anyone?), and a much more vibrant performing arts community than in Pittsburgh. I’d vaguely thought of it before, as I’ve been sending my resume out to recruiters, and one was talking about throwing me in the hat for a job with a Boston-based company.

Later when I was hanging out in IRC (something I do too much of I suppose), another friend (MightyMu) said a couple things that started to make it all soak in. “Boston’s a better town for that than pgh, anyway”, which is rather obvious, but I continue. “The problem with Pittsburgh is – where do you go? Closest states are Ohio and West Virginia, no other major cities nearby, you’re out there all by yourself.” This is something I have always known, it’s somewhat inescapable if you have ever looked at a map. But hearing it from someone else (especially someone else in PA), it just gave it an entirely different poignancy. I have always an an affinity to the Northeast. Being born in Pittsburgh was great, it’s a great town, but he was right. Pittsburgh is the last outpost of Easternism. Pittsburgh was the original “Gateway to the West” long before St. Louis held that title. And if I have always loved the East Coast, the Atlantic Ocean, and New York, why am I going to move to the most southern and western urban area in the Northeast?

I have one real friend left in the area, Alex. I’ve lost contact with everyone else, being away from the area for 7 years now, and can’t think of anyone who means enough to me to stay there. I can stay friends with Alex from anywhere, and he’s getting married in September, so we can’t exactly go cruising for chicks anyway. So what’s holding me there? Nothing. And now I have a fantastic friend in the heart of the Northeast, core-Blue-State America, a stone’s throw from the Big Apple, who can show me around and inject me with a new circle of friends, and someone I actually want to stay friends with. And the place is rotten with opportunities for me both technically (so I can pay the bloody rent) and artistically (for when I break out of the tech industry). This is the place where the original Americans were forged from the cold furnace of harsh winters and an untamed land. So really, what is there to decide?

So, there it is. I’m moving to Boston, instead. Reboot My Life will be changed soon to reflect this, too. I can’t believe after all these years I actually have a life plan that makes sense.

I’m also stealing jwz’s per-post music thing. Yes, I now succumb to more blog memes. I’m evil, what can I say.

Wow. Ok, I finally found my long lost CD of Heather Nova’s Oyster. I bought this album back in high school after hearing “Walk This World” once. A lot like how my Tori Amos fandom began. Well, I haven’t been able to listen to this album since 1999 when I misplaced it. I forgot how emotionally raw this album is. Dear god, it’s like this woman found some magic lantern and wished for a direct pipe to the brain via sound, and uses this pipe to send 50,000 volts (carrying at least 100 amperes) of pure, unfiltered, unavoidably narcotic emotion directly into your amygdala. Or maybe this is just tapping into what I put into it as a teenager. I always have been some deep running waters. Scares the hell out of me sometimes. Anyway, I’m sitting here as it flows from track to track, so high on some tracks I’m literally dizzy; so low on others that there is an elephant on my chest; so incredibly tortured on some that I want to scream out so this icy hand will stop squeezing my heart. I actually had to pause the album because my heart was racing and skipping beats.

I haven’t felt like this in years. It’s magnificent to feel so tortured again. I’ve been dead for far too long.

Someone relieved my car of it’s radio. The FACTORY STOCK RADIO. Why the hell would a person steal the default radio? Luckily the window wasn’t broken. I seem to have not rolled up the window entirely yesterday. Not like there’s decent radio around here anyway.

As miserable and unhappy as I am, which is about as low as I think I’ve ever felt, I also know I’m doing the right thing. This is probably the best set of choices I’ve ever made. This is the most painful experience I have ever been through, but from pain comes great art, as they say. This is the right direction now. Moving back into a more creative, a more open me, more honest with myself and with other people. I’m no longer living a lie, living under a thick cloak of denial. Yes, peeling that cloak back causes grean anguish, like a vampire in the sunrise, but that sunrise will burn away the dead layers, and in the end I will be reborn as I should be. The real me. I think I can see that version of me in the distance.

You can help me get there too, by visiting this page and spreading the word (and the link). Maybe look at the ads, see if they interest you, or buy that book or CD from Amazon through my link. Or maybe you need some great web hosting? 🙂

[04:26] * jX is currently spinning: Nelly Furtado - Saturdays
[04:26] <jX> See, this is why I know I'm right in going back to arts. this song turns me into a fyrating retard.
[04:26] <jX> You can't fake that.
[04:26] <jX> yes, that's right, FYRATING.
[04:27] <jX> It's like Ray Charles, but standing, and without any kind of piano anywhere near by.
[04:27] * MightyMu can't handle the fyrating!
[04:28] * jX spins around like the bee girl in the "No Rain" video.

In my never ending quest for misery and self-torture, I went over to eHarmony.com after seeing one of their ads on TV for the fifteen-billionth time. I went through their 29 dimentions of compatibility matching profiler, and it came back with “Unable to Match You at This Time”. Yep, their extensive psychological profiling was unable to figure out what kind of girl I might like.

“Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched.”

I could have given them some clues if they allowed a little more input besides religion, smoking, and drinking (like, say, HEIGHT! I like TALL women, damnit!). But no, they instead tell me I’m an enigma that science is unable to understand. Thanks! Anyone want to point me to the nearest bridge?

Click the thumbnail for a screenshot…

Well, the time has come. I need a massive change, and am taking those big scary steps to do it. One step is to mount a call for help. Thus is born Reboot My Life. In the grand tradition of Save Karyn (her original site), and other people appealing to the world for a little help, I’m here before the world laying out my position. All the details are here. Please give it a read, and if all you can do is share the URL, that’s great. The wider the audience the better. Thanks.

Update: Yes, already, less than an hour after this went live, Tom registered RebootMyLife.org and has it pointing to this page. So feel free to point folks to RebootMyLife.org!

I desperately need to get back to art. Technology is fun, and is a fantastic tool, but I’m just not happy with only that anymore. The IT industry isn’t a pioneering one anymore, it’s mature, and is more business and less exploring new frontiers. That’s ok, it had to happen eventually. But my real passion has always been more artistic than anything else. I want to die not looking back at decades of regret, and it has to start here. And there’s another thing I have to do, as terrifying as it is, or I’ll be miserable forever. I just hope I still have a chance…