[ music | Imogen Heap – The Moment I Said It ]

I always loved this hour of the day/night/what-have-you. Right now it’s ten to five a.m., 54 degrees out, and foggy. There’s just something about it tha tmakes the perfect endcap to whatever kind of day I had, good or bad. Sitting up in the wee hours, chatting with a friend or three, watching the world sleep. It makes me feel powerful in the sense that there’s a whole nothing day ready to dawn, I can see and feel it coming. It really makes the idea of a life stretching out before me palpable. It’s one of the few times I can look around a find some genuine hope, a feeling not ginned up nor blindly clung to for the sake of mental health. There really is another day coming, life goes on.

It’s been one of the roughest years yet so far, and it’s not over, but frankly I think rock bottom was hit, and is receeding at an increasing rate. You can sit and think about how you’d take various forms of bad news, but you’re never right. I really assumed I’d take certain things a lot harder before I could move on, but I didn’t. That shouldn’t surprise me, but it does. For a mere moment, it was, “Holy shit.” But a beat later it was, “Well, ok, so, where do we go next?” Unchangable situations are just that, unchangable, so don’t waste your time complaining. The faster you get on dealing with it the easier it is. I guess the old advice is correct, just rip the bandage right off and get it over with.

I still love the nights, too. I think I’m almost ready to start finding someone to share them with, too. Almost, I’m not that mature yet. 😉