It's tomato soup.
Pessimist's Clam Chowder:
It's supposed to be Clam Chowder, but it's probably not been cooked right, and will kill you.
A supposedly "empty" bowl, filled with the secrets of the universe, and can be whatever you truly wish it to be.
Optimist's Lobster Bisque:
It may come in a can, but it probably was flown here this morning after being made by Wolfgang Puck, and canned especially for the Trendy Café from last night's fresh lobster catch.
They say it's the same as the Realist's Tomato, but it's just water and ketchup, most likely.
Hot water. (Excellent choice for our modeling clientele)
Cold water. (For our modeling clientele on diets)
Starving Artist's Gazpacho:
Cold water, ketchup, and pickle relish, in perfect proportion, stirred with an old paint brush.
It's meat. Roll the dice and see if it's beef!
Two pages of lettuce, some bookmarks of bacon, a cross-reference of tomato, served on hardback toast.
A tossed salad with liquid lettuce, transparent tomato, alien alfalfa sprouts, irradiated radishes, martian mushrooms, with a genetically engineered cucumber/cabbage, pureed and served in a high tech edible squeeze tube.
A seething pot of bacteria and viruses, brewed for hours to maximize pathogenic potency, served at body temperature. Served with a side of antibiotics.
Environmentally Friendly Potluck:
Made from 100% organically harvested and recycled items. That's all you want to know.
Celery stalks covered with veggieburgers. Guaranteed to be meat- and taste-free!
Low Fat Lasagna:
Crackers and carrot slices covered in tomato juice and tofu.
Suicidal Death by Chocolate:
Triple layer chocolate cake, chocolate fudge icing, served with chocolate ice cream and razor blades.
Homicidal Death by Chocolate:
Same as above, but served with a handgun.
Literalists's Baked Alaska:
Dirt in a single serve casserole dish, heated to 400 degrees, topped with snow.
another burnt electron