[ music | In Denial - Pet Shop Boys ]Ok, look people. I do not have pictures of Kari Byron nude. Anywhere. Ever. The rash of outdated links you're following was a gag, and they weren't even of Kari to start with. Yes, she's gorgeous, no she's not naked. Hell, I think she's even married. The pics you were lured here with are of the British model Alex Sim Wise. Go Google her if you want the photos that USED to be here. They're gone now. DO NOT ASK ME FOR THEM.

[ music | The Divinyls - I Touch Myself ]

In an amazing turn of events, the Brits have leapfrogged the rest of the world in the areas of cell phone convergence and teledildonics. Forget USB vibrators or the iBrator (awesome fake-ad), we're 100% mobile with your cellphone and Bluetooth wirelss technology with The Toy.

Controlling The Toy

• Familiar sms text command system
• Secret 6 digit Tag in text message controls The Toy
• The Toy reacts only to your tagged sms messages
• Write whatever you like, The Toy will respond
• 26 letters have 3 different movement profiles
• Each of these has 5 speeds, 3 time settings
• 45 possible effects from any one letter
• 7200 variations from a single text message

There is so much I could say, I just can't decide...

[ music | Katie Melua - My Aphrodisiac Is You ]

Lindsay Lohan is a redhead again. Actually it's a dark brown with auburn shading, but it's better than blonde. This girl had the most beautiful hair ever, and a figure to kill for. Then she hung out with the cocaine diet crowd, and became a 19 year old Courtney Love body double. She's gained the weight back, and the hair's dark again. Life once again makes sense. Unf.

[ music | Filter - Hey Man Nice Shot ]

Google Maps now has put online post-Katrina satellite images of New Orleans. It's not total coverage because the satellite has limited range per-orbit, but it's something. Both levee breaches are visible, 17th Street Canal breach, and the Orleans Avenue levee breach. This dovetails nicely with some of the static but huge images that the NASA Earth Observatory has put online here.

[ music | Liz Phair - Conversation Overheard Between Two Bouncers ]

What a way to start a post. A smashing headache, and a horrible pun. "Pun?" you say. Yes, a pun! You see, I am obviously speaking of Indie Tits, the web comic, not Liz Phair's breasts (which are also fantastic). I'm a huge fan of Questionable Content, which is having another guest-artist week, so this is kind of a bad week to jump in, so skip back a few weeks to take a look. Anyway, J. Jacques also does Indie Tits, and maybe it's the splitting headache with which I am currently afflicted, but it's hilarious. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Not Ghey
• Cancer Babies (not a candy)
• Rush Hour
• Apathy is indie
• One of them is a girl, I swear
• Everyone loves a boobie
• Proletariat versus Bourgeois is ALWAYS funny

I am now going to take four aspirin and lie down. That is all.

[ music | Alanis Morissette - Hand In My Pocket ]

I can not even imagine being paid to write about this stuff. Where can I sign up?

This is one fun little game. It's easy. You're the black square. use it to grab the other black squares as they fly by. Hit a pink square, you die. Grab a black circle, and you get various features. It's quite fun.

Here's a new category for links I'm compelled to share.

They're Made Out Of Meat
Klein bottles: The first person to buy me one gets a present.
A Penny for your thoughts: Frame one of this strip rocks.
Blatant plug
Astronomy Picture of the Day: Educational and cool.

That's all for today. You may resume your normal activities.