Soups:
Realist's Tomato:
It's tomato soup.
Pessimist's Clam Chowder:
It's supposed to be Clam Chowder, but it's probably not been cooked
right, and will kill you.
Existentialist Soup:
A supposedly "empty" bowl, filled with the secrets
of the universe, and can be whatever you truly wish it to be.
Optimist's Lobster Bisque:
It may come in a can, but it probably was flown here this morning after
being made by Wolfgang Puck, and canned especially for the Trendy Café
from last night's fresh lobster catch.
Cynic's Tomato:
They say it's the same as the Realist's Tomato, but it's just
water and ketchup, most likely.
Minimalist Soup:
Hot water. (Excellent choice for our modeling clientele)
Minimalist Consommé:
Cold water. (For our modeling clientele on diets)
Starving Artist's Gazpacho:
Cold water, ketchup, and pickle relish, in perfect proportion, stirred
with an old paint brush.
Entrees:
Gambler's Steak:
It's meat. Roll the dice and see if it's beef!
Bookworm's BLT:
Two pages of lettuce, some bookmarks of bacon, a cross-reference of tomato, served on hardback toast.
SciFi Salad:
A tossed salad with liquid lettuce, transparent tomato, alien alfalfa sprouts, irradiated radishes, martian mushrooms, with a genetically engineered cucumber/cabbage, pureed and served in a high tech edible squeeze tube.
Hypochondriac Stew:
A seething pot of bacteria and viruses, brewed for hours to maximize pathogenic potency, served at body temperature. Served with a side of antibiotics.
Environmentally Friendly Potluck:
Made from 100% organically harvested and recycled items. That's all you want to know.
Vegetarian Ribs:
Celery stalks covered with veggieburgers. Guaranteed to be meat- and taste-free!
Low Fat Lasagna:
Crackers and carrot slices covered in tomato juice and tofu.
Desserts:
Suicidal Death by Chocolate:
Triple layer chocolate cake, chocolate fudge icing, served with chocolate ice cream and razor blades.
Homicidal Death by Chocolate:
Same as above, but served with a handgun.
Literalists's Baked Alaska:
Dirt in a single serve casserole dish, heated to 400 degrees, topped with snow.
another burnt electron